I've decided to shorten my name....

By two letters.  I'm engaged! To the most fantastic and wonderful man I could imagine meeting, let alone spending eternity with. :) Lots of people have been asking for the proposal story, so here it is.


Proposal Story:

Kevin had told me he wanted to take me on a private plane ride for my birthday. His company owns planes and will let his employees take them up for the cost of the pilot and gas, but when the owner of his company found out what he was planning, he covered the cost of everything for us.  About two weeks before my birthday, Kevin asked me for my schedule so he could plan the best time for the plane ride.  On Monday, April 21^st, he texted me and asked if I could be available Friday between 5:30-7:30pm as he had a surprise planned for me and that was the only day he could do it. He would text me the address and it was 30 minutes away from my place so I’d need to leave my place at 5pm.  I was flying to Utah for work Tuesday and getting back around 1am on Thursday, making my best friend’s daughter’s birthday cake on Friday and had the Warrior Dash and her birthday party on Saturday, so I was slightly busy to say the least, but as I had done the cake before, I didn’t think it would be a problem, and told him I should be able to make it work. 

Thursday came and my flight was delayed almost an hour, getting me into Kansas City around 2am.  I was in the airport waiting for my flight when my roommate called me to tell me our gas was turned off at the house.  I called the gas company and took care of the issue and scheduled to have a technician come out the next morning between 8am-12pm.  I wasn’t worried, as I’d still have time to get everything done, even if they didn’t get there until noon.  The next day, the technician got called on an emergency gas call around 10am as he was on the way to our place and was still not done by 1:30pm.  At this point I was stressed and frustrated and wasn’t sure how I was going to get everything done and then Kevin texts me to ask if I can meet at his place at 5:10pm instead, which meant I’d have to leave by 4:30pm to get there and I couldn’t shower as we didn’t have hot water until the gas was turned back on.  I texted him back telling him everything that had been going on and we decided I’d drive down and get his key from him at work so I could shower and bake the cake at his place, then I’d decorate it after the surprise.  I had everything ready to go at this point.  I got to his work and everyone knew what was going on, but as I was a hot mess, I didn’t notice if they were acting out of the ordinary or not, and I headed over to his place and get ready and bake the cake, still in ignorance of the events planned for the evening.

He picked me up about 5:10pm from his place and after about 20 minutes of driving we pulled into the New Century Airport and I smiled, because I realized it was the plane ride he had told me he was going to do (I had suspected that was the surprise).  We got to the plane and the pilot asked where we wanted him to fly us, downtown or elsewhere.  Kevin asked him if he knew where the LDS Temple was near Liberty and if he would be willing to fly there (it’s through commercial airspace and not all private pilots like to fly through commercial airspace because of the turbulence).  This pilot was excellent and quickly agreed and we loaded into the plane.

It was the prettiest day and perfect weather.  We couldn’t have asked for better.  We took off and flew over downtown and the plaza and I was like a little kid looking out the window and taking pictures.  The pilot had isolated our headphones so we could talk between ourselves (he knew what the plan was too), and he’d get on when he needed to tell us something.  After a few minutes past downtown, he told us the “church” was on our right. It was actually already behind us so he circled around it again and I was leaning against the window taking pictures of it, it was such a beautiful sight, and when I turned around after we’d passed over a great shot of it, Kevin is sitting there holding an open ring box with a huge grin on his face.  It took me a second to realize what was in his hand and I visibly jumped with surprise and shock, dropping my jaw and eyes wide open, while I gasp.  He laughs and said, “I couldn’t think of a more perfect time than up in the air over the temple.  Will you marry me?” And I replied, “You know I will!”

Updates

A little over a year ago I left Georgia with no more knowledge of where I'd be than a few months into the future.  Twelve months and four states later, I have a little more stability in my life....maybe! :)  It's been a definite adventure the whole way, with a stint of homeless and joblessness, doing things I said I'd never do (buy a Chevy, move to Utah, and move for a guy!), some of which worked out and some of which gave me a chance to learn some lessons about me and life.  Now I'm "settling" in Kansas City (which is sits on the border of Kansas ans Missouri, fyi) for my first salaried position post-grad school. 

I'm working for a company called Health Fitness as a Biometric Screenings Event Manager.  I get to travel all around the city and some around the states.  I do enjoy it a lot and I feel right at home with the company.  It's not a set schedule, which I really enjoy, but of course that makes it difficult to plan too far in advance, but it's doable.  And the big pro about moving out here is that my bff from BYU, Chesnye, lives here too! And my cousins Alan and Brandy Cotton, moved here last summer.  What eles can a girl ask for? Other than to have the two most adorable niece and nephew closer?

The excitement of moving out here is that I got to move from both sides of the country! I had left all my furniture in Georgia, but of course had my car and the stuff I brought out with me from Utah.  So the last weekend of April I flew out to Georgia, rented a Budget moving truck and loaded up everything from Grandma's basement, dad's shop and my old apartment.  Mom was great enough to drive out with me, we left Monday and made it in fifteen hours.  Driving the truck was fun because it didn't have cruise control and didn't coast, so my lead right foot was tired and sore after that day! Then I worked for a couple days and then flew back to Utah and loaded my car, cleaned my apartment and left Saturday night, stayed with AnnaLea and headed out early Sunday for the final trek!  That drive took about 16 hours, and after driving the truck the previous week, I was really tired!! But I made it and emptied out the car and the next week I was back in Utah working again!

But I've been moved in for about a month now and am almost organized and now just have to get my car tag and license switched over to Kansas! It does make me sad to lose my beautiful GA tags and license, but c'est la vie! One day I'll go back, I'm sure!

Similarities and Differences

This is not meant to be a "I have a worse situation than you do post," it's just some compare and contrast I've pondered and it is probably biased as I've only experienced one side of the equation.
 
I've had quite a few people in my life who have struggled with infertility, some have since successfully realized their dream and desire of becoming parents and some are still struggling with the uncertainty.  I've often considered the differences and similarities of that struggle to my own struggle of being single and not married and desiring it so strongly that those painful tears come unbidden at times when the hurt is too strong.  I'm not bitter or desperate, those that know me well will attest to that, I'm happy most of the time and enjoy life most of the time, but it is a struggle to be surrounded by happily and perfectly matched married family and friends.  I think that is one of the similarities between my situation and those of my friends' and family who are struggling to start or continue their families.  I don't personally know that ache that comes from desiring children and knowing there's something "wrong" with you that won't let you fulfill that desire, but I ache for children and a husband and struggle with the feeling that there's something "wrong" with me that has prevented that dream from being realized so far in my life.  One of the problems is that what's "wrong" with me cannot be diagnosed with medical tests as so many infertile couples can at least have an answer, though, yes, I do realize there are many that don't even get that.  I don't like to publicly discuss my single status as I detest coming across as bitter or desperate or without hope, that is so far from the truth.  I still have hope and I don't think I'm bitter or desperate, but those men who have been the recipients of my attention are better than judges than I am in that department.  But there is a deep sadness that never fully goes away, as  I can only imagine is the case with those people who struggle with unrealized hopes of children.  But there's also a sadness I experience for a desire for children and realizing that window of opportunity is slowly but surely diminishing in my life as I am steadily approaching an age that will decrease my ability to bear and care for children as well as have a partner that shares the desire for a larger family than he might already have.

The major difference that I feel with my "singlehood" and another couple's struggle to start a family is displayed perfectly with the word couple.  There is another partner that shares similar feelings of doubt, despair, hunger, and sadness with you when you are dealing with the unfulfilled desires of parenthood.  When you struggle with the unfulfilled desires of marriage, there is just you.  Yes, my family and friends sympathize with me as the childless couples' friends and families sympathize with them, but as I'm sure the couples will agree with, it's not the same as having someone in the same situation as you.  Even other people in the same situation as you isn't the same, though it might help a little more knowing you are not the only one struggling, but their experiences are not the same as your experiences, so they cannot fully comprehend your struggles as you cannot fully comprehend theirs.  But your spouse has gone through every step that you have with the hopes and dreams and disappointments and heartaches along the way, they know what every day has been like.  Other people live their own lives, as they should, and cannot completely empathize and sympathize with your situation.  Those of us single people do not have that luxury of the shoulder to cry on that can fully commiserate with us or the completely understanding arms to hold each other up through the dark days of loneliness and pain.

I'm not trying to paint a dark, sorrowful, depressive picture here, honestly, most of my days are exciting and fun and I fully enjoy life, and I have had many experiences that I cherish that would never have come into existence because I have been single for as long as I have, but there are those dismal, depressed days with sobs tearing me apart for a companion of my heart and soul to walk along beside me.  I realize marriage and companionship comes with its own struggles and heartaches, but those are struggles and heartaches I gladly welcome when I have a companion to help shoulder those burdens and increase the joys (and share the blame). =-) 

I do not know what is "wrong" with me that I have made this journey to this point in my life alone and with no visible change in the near future, but I fully believe in the promises that have been delivered to us by the mouths of the Lord's servants, and I know that I will not spend eternity single and alone as those couples will have an endless posterity, but there are those days that occur that singleness seems too much to bear and I do not know how I'll make it another day, and I want to give up and not go forward another step.  But I do make it another day and I keep pressing forward and I do know the Lord is with me every step and I have felt Him pick me up and carry me forward when I have fallen down without the strength to rise again.  He will show me those things I need to change and work on in my life, and He cries with me on those nights that are so bitter and I soak my pillow and He rejoices with me on those days I laugh and dance and sing.  And there are more days than not that are full of laughing and dancing and singing, both for me and I'm sure for those of my family and friends who wish so much for children or additional children to join their small families.

Never say never.....

So changes....yet again! :) I rarely say I'll never do certain things, because I know how Murphy's Law operates!  But there are a few, and if you know me, you know that two of those things are 1) I'll never buy/own a Chevy and 2) I'll never live voluntarily in Utah.  Well, apparently I get a huge piece....no, I take that back, it's not a piece, it's the whole humble pie! Last November my Explorer died and I was in the market for a new car, I ended up buying a Chevy Trailblazer because it was a deal I couldn't refuse...so now I not only drive a Chevy, but I own one! Yikes!! And to add to the shame and embarrassment, when I couldn't find a job in Colorado, a friend convinced me to try my luck in Logan, UT at a call center no less! I must have been on something strong because on Aug. 27th, I packed my car....well, not really because it had been packed since Jul. 30th, and I drove to Logan, interviewed at Convergys, an inbound customer service call center, the next day and started a week after that....making less than my job I had BEFORE I started my master's program. :-S So yeah, I felt like I had moved up in the world! :-p But it's actually been really good, hard, but good.  I didn't know but 1 person here when I moved here, well, Chesnye's in-laws and I stayed with them the first week, which I'm incredibly grateful for their hospitality.  Found an apartment with a roommate that's just a little younger than my mother, but she's incredibly sweet and wonderful and I'm grateful for her.  Met this fantastic lady at church the first Sunday and she pretty much told me we were gonna be friends whether I like it or not! She's been wonderful to have around.  It's incredibly hard going to a family ward, especially in a college town so it's a highly transitional ward, and be a single woman (I'm sure it's also hard for the single guys, I've just never experienced that side personally!) :-), I feel like I just get lost in the shuffle.  Boulder was a great place, but I didn't really meet anyone that I became friends with till the last weekend I was supposed to be there, so it's been nice to have Christina here.  She's "pushed" me to go to the different activities and invite me to things with her family as if I was part of it, and it's been that way since the start.

I've also gained a new nickname at training for Convergys...."Mouth from the South!" It's beyond me why they would ever come up with such a thing! :-p And I just finished training for a second job, that's in my field, at Orriant, as a Health Assessment Technician to do health assessments at health fairs for their clients.  It doesn't pay much and it's on-call, but it's in my field and I have the chance to move up in the company, and if I move up to be a Health Coach, I can do it anywhere in the WORLD, as long as I have a good internet connection, cuz it's over the phone (VOIP).  Which would be great to have a job if, who am I kidding, when I move somewhere else. Soooo.....yeah, life's good!

The hardest part is missing my family and friends back home.  Dallin turns 1 next Thursday!!! I can't hardly believe it! And they had his birthday party last night and Crystal sent me pics and he's getting so big, and I saw pics of both Hailey and him on FB a few days ago and even Hailey's getting bigger than I expected her to be by now, and it just makes me want to cry.  And I have no idea when I'll get to go home and see them.  I hate that I'm watching them grow up through pictures.  I don't know how much longer I can do this, even though I know I don't need to be in Georgia right now, as much as I want to be.  Then I see my other friends' kids on FB and they're growing up and I won't know them when I see them again.  My heart is truly breaking at the thought.  And I'm starting over from scratch here, and it's harder because the people who I am and would be friends with are married with kids, so their schedules are complicated because of that, which is fine, but sometimes you also need friends who are in the same boat you are and all the single people I have met are 10 years younger than me....and I can be friends with them, but it's hard because they're young, and I haven't met any single girls close to my age really.  I feel like I'm in limbo right now and I'm just trying to work my way out of it.  There will be major changes before the first of the year, I'm pretty sure, and I'm excited for the new adventures, but I'm still a little scared and worried over the effects it will have on my relationships as well.  What I do know is that I am a daughter of God and He loves me, I feel like I'm about to start reciting the YW theme, but it's so true.  I love Him also, and no matter what I do or where I go, or what happens to me, those three things will never change.  And the atonement is real and covers not only my sins, but my heartaches and pains and struggles and trials as well.  Without it, there would be no hope of joy in this life, let alone actually having joy.  I am so grateful for the atonement and for Christ's sacrifice and what it means to me, that yeah, I've messed up and made mistakes and done stuff even when I knew I shouldn't, but because of his love and sacrifice and God's love in giving us His Son, I can and will and am forgiven and I can be back with him.   Not being around my family and friends right now makes this hit home a lot more.  I long for the day I can see them again, and it's not like I can't talk to them or see pics, but it's not the same as being around them, especially my babies.  But I know it will happen and that makes me happy and I am excited for that, and I know I'll see my family and friends who have passed beyond the veil one day and for that I am extremely grateful.  I'm not a perfect person, I try, but I mess up, but the Lord loves me anyway and He will help me make it back to Him, I know that.  I've never been really good at expressing myself, especially with spiritual stuff, but this is something I've always known, and I've always known the gospel is true.  Even when I'm at my lowest point, I've always felt God's love for me and I've never felt completely without hope, and I wish I knew how to share that feeling with others, especially the ones who are despairing, because I KNOW He feels the exact same way about them and I KNOW they have just as much of a chance as I do to make it back and into God's presence again.

Wow, when I started writing this, I did not even think or expect to be bearing my testimony at all, I was just going to write a catch-up "this is what's happening in my life" post.  But as I was writing, that's what was coming to mind, so that's what I wrote. :-D  I hope it comes across the way it is in my head, or close at least!

It's also about to get cold here, which I am not looking forward to at all! I am not made for cold weather, give me 70 degree winters any time please! But at least I have a wonderful mother and sister who got me my winter clothes sent out and I can be warmer when it does drop, which is supposedly tomorrow! Yikes! I'm not ready!!!!

But enough of my lamenting! I really am doing fantastic and I am grateful to have two jobs, and I got to see AnnaLea while I was training this past week for Orriant cuz it was in the same area so I stayed with her while I was down there and Clint came up and we had lunch yesterday and that was fantastic! I love him and I'm so glad he hunted me down!  I haven't told a lot of people I've moved Utah because of the shame, but he heard from Jennifer so he texted me and I'm so glad he's so good at staying friends, because I'm not always the best and it's always easier when both people are trying! :-)

Stretching and other spiritual exercises.

So I've finished my internship and it was wonderful, but now, I'm jobless and homeless.  My lease ran out noon on July 30 and I was planning to stay one night at my friends' in Erie then head back home to Georgia because I have no home, no job, and no money.  Well, the Lord had other plans for me.  I know I mentioned in my previous post that I knew I was in the right place...well, I still know that, and I knew that when I was planning on leaving, but it's hard to live without money or a place of residence.  I guess I could have slept in my car, but it gets kinda uncomfortable when it's pack so tight I can't see out the back and I'd be sleeping sitting straight up! :) 

So I was planning to leave and continue my job hunting back home, thinking I'd come back if I found a job.  Well, the Friday before I was gonna leave, I get a call from a recruiter and I figured it wouldn't hurt to meet with him, so we scheduled for Monday afternoon.  Sunday I met a guy in my ward when he came to pick up my bed frame (I was getting rid of all my furniture), and we started talking about my job situation and he said he had a couple contacts he would get in touch with and let me know if they had any openings the next day.  My plan was still to leave Tuesday morning for Chesnye's unless something sounded promising.

Monday I meet with the recruiter, and it was really good, but I left still unsure about what to do, as it was more of an intro meeting than anything else and he wanted to have a follow-up meeting the following week.  So I meet up with my friends for FHE and talk things over with them a bit and they're more than gracious in saying I can stay with them for longer if I need to.  I'm following them back to their place from the park we were playing "corn hole" (it's the Colorado name for bean bag toss), I made the decision to stay for at least a week and I felt calm and peaceful as soon as I made that decision.  I hadn't heard from the guy from church yet, so I called him and left a message with his son.  He called me back later that night saying he had not gotten in touch with his contacts.  I told him I was staying at least for a week and he said he'd keep trying.  He's been great in sending me information about job openings he's come across.

Ironically, the day after I move out of the area, I get a phone call, it's from another guy in my ward who says he's my home teacher! :) I fill him in on my situation and he's apologetic he hasn't called earlier, but supportive and offers to help in any way he can.  I tell him I'll let him know.  So all last week I've been job hunting and I have had a phone interview for a part-time job as an Office Manager for a maid service company, but I won't know if I made the face-to-face interview until tomorrow or Tuesday.  And as it has nothing to do with my major, the guy expressed concern about me leaving it after a short while if I found a full-time position in my field, which I would do (though I didn't tell him that!), but at this point I'm not sure when that will happen.  However, if I get a face-to-face, I'm going to broach the idea of starting a wellness program with his employees and that will be more motivation for me to stay.  I also have a potential job opening at the company that does the City of Boulder's Wellness Program, but I'm waiting to hear when it will be posted.  I'm excited about that one as it's more of an entry level position and most of my problem has been lacking in management/supervisory experience, or wellness/fitness field experience period. 

And my friends have been wonderful, but I don't want to impose on them more than I have to and they're about to start finishing out their basement, which means I'd have to crash in their office upstairs and have no space to myself whatsoever.  My cousins live in Colorado Springs and I know they'd be more than happy to let me stay there also, but they have twice as many kids and half as much space, though I would have an actual bedroom and bathroom to myself (unless they have company staying with them).  And they're two hours away from this area which is where all my contacts are at.  But I can travel up here for interviews at the least and if I got a job up here, I could stay with my friends here or beg someone in Boulder Ward to put me up for a bit till I earn enough to get an apartment.

So that brings us to today.  I went to Boulder Ward because I wanted to follow up with that one guy and talk to my home teacher about getting a blessing for guidance in this whole endeavor, though I didn't know my home teacher by sight, luckily though he got up and bore his testimony and introduced himself, so I found him after sacrament and talked to him about it and we set up a time after church and he said he'd get his companion too.  I also talked with the other guy who had been out of town the end of this past week, but he said he'd follow up with his contacts tomorrow and Tuesday and he got my email to forward me job openings he was on the list for and he introduced me to the employment specialist, and I spoke with him for a few minutes and that was good.

So now I have to backtrack to last Sunday.  I met a couple who had just moved into the ward that day and offered them my desk and kitchen table.  Ironically, her name is Anneli (pronounced the same as my sister AnnaLea) and his name is Gary (the same as my dad's).  They came over the next morning to pick up the furniture and helped me pack my car, which was fantastic.  Anneli was looking for a job too and Gary was starting grad school at CU.  So I picked up Anneli one day to go to Boulder's Employment office so we both could see what it was about.  They're just graduated from BYU, married a couple years, but they're great.  Then today, I'm leaving Relief Society and they're standing outside talking to someone and Gary asked me my last name. I told him and he said he thought he was my home teacher! So that was nice that I had already become friends with them and he's one of my home teachers and he did assist in the blessing I had requested.

I wasn't expecting anything specific, but I did get a feeling of peace and calmness that everything would work out, but because of something that was said it might not be in the near future, but I would be taken care of.  Well, I wasn't too ecstatic about that thought, but with everything that was said in church today with that, I know this is a period of intense stretching for me.  I don't know where I'm going to end up, how it's going to happen, or when it'll all come together, but I do know that it will.  And I still feel that this is the place for me to be right now.  Don't know where I'm going to be living and I sure would like to get a semi-permanent place so I can unload my car, but I'll go where the Lord wants me to go and do what He wants me to do, or the best that I'm able.  I definitely miss my family right now and I've had offers from Chesnye in Kansas City, MO and another friend in TX to come and live with them for a time, which I would consider except for the conviction and confirmations I've received that I need to be here.

It's hard for me to be dependent on other people, I feel helpless, and I was crying on the phone to my mom today and I told her I was allergic to homelessness and joblessness! And it's not something Claritin can help!  But we were talking in Sunday School today about how we get the opportunity to grow and it can be hardship sometimes, and a friend posted the story about how we're like a house the Lord is remodeling and we thought we were a cottage, but He's changing us into a palace, and He's knocking out walls, and building turrets and it's painful!  I know what I'm going through is not nearly as difficult as some people I know, but they are much stronger than me, and I'm on my own, single, and with no immediate family and no close, close friends that I know would never resent me crashing at their place indefinitely.  Not that I think my friends here think that, but I'm just not as close to them as I am with some people and I don't make those kind of friendships easily.

But life will go on and it will get better and I will learn and grow and look back on this time and laugh at myself for struggling like I am. I thank the Lord I have His gospel in my life, and though I'm single I can still receive priesthood blessings from worthy brethren, and though I'm not as close to them as I'd like, for friends don't hesitate to put me up for a period of time and for wonderful family that loves me and supports me in any way they can, even if they want me back home with them!

Changes, changes, and more changes.....

So wow....how much has happened since I posted last?  First, I finished my course work for my master's degree, now I just have to finish my internship and take the ACSM HFS exam to officially call myself "Master Higginbotham!" Speaking of internships, I started applying last November, but true to form, took until the very last minute to get all the paperwork in.  My first pick was City of Boulder in yep, that's right, COLORADO! What the heck was I thinking moving away from Georgia??? But you know what, it was exactly what I want to do career wise so I went for it.  And the more I prayed and pondered over it, the more I knew it was right, though for a while I did let it go thinking I wouldn't do it, but it came up again and so I thought I might as well give it a shot.  But then I had to wait for things to be approved from GSU attorneys, and that could take a while, so my advisor told me to find a back-up plan.  Which of course I procrastinated, but did find something, which didn't work, so he told me to find something else, so I did, finally, the day of my birthday.  Five days before the start of the semester.  So the next day I figured it wasn't going to happen with Colorado, so I started putting things in motion to stay in GA and making plans past the 20th (the day I had originally planned to leave), and just as I was texting my landlord to tell her looks like I was staying through the summer at least, I get an email from my advisor saying CO's a GO!! I was in my parent's garage with my mom and her sister, helping my folks pack to move, and I yell, "I'M GOING TO COLORADO!!"

So yeah, 2 1/2 weeks later I was on my way with my friend who had quit her job rather spontaneously (it was the right thing to do for her), so she had the week to drive out with me and hang out for a few days.  It's been crazy! I didn't have a place to live, and found a place in 2 days (couldn't move in for a week though), but thankfully we had some friends that lived only 20-30 minutes away from my internship site, so we crashed in their basement til I could move into my place. 

It's been one tender mercy after another getting me here. I love Georgia, with all my heart and soul.  My family's there, excepting AnnaLea, almost all my babies are there, whom I miss more than I can tell!  So very many of my friends are there, and I know almost no one here.  I have the friends about 20 minutes away, but they have two little girls, my cousin lives in CO Springs, but that's 2 hours away, and I went to the YSA ward my first Sunday here, but they were at the oldest, 23, maybe 24, and I've turned 31 so I don't feel like I belong there anymore, so I've been to the family ward the past couple weeks and love going, but still haven't met anyone there really that I click with and can be friends with.  It has made me realize that when I do get to be a little more established, whether it's here or somewhere else, I need to look out for people in similar situations to me, cuz I'm sure those people in the family ward don't realize how very alone I am right now, being single and not knowing a soul, really, in the area.  And Sunday's after church are hard, we're done at 2, so I get to go home and do nothing till bedtime.  Yesterday was good though because I walked around the river area and talked to my bro, an old roomie, my mom, and my gma, which was really nice.

I'm loving my internship, it's exactly what I want to do, and I've got a great supervisor that's giving me contacts for jobs after this, so hopefully one of them will pan out, because I feel like I need to stay here for a year or two.  Which tears me apart, I'm excited for the adventure and what will unfold as I go along, but I'm so far from family and friends right now and that's hard.

I need a part-time job too, because this internship is not paid, and I have no idea where I'll be in 7 weeks (or less if I finish my hours before then), and I hope I can find a job that uses my degree and skills.  But you know what? I'm not worried, I should be, I always worry about things that I don't know the answer to that are big like this, but I have had an answer to my prayers, and I know this is where I need to be and the Lord will take care of me, I just need to trust in him.... do all I can do for sure, but it'll be ok.  And that's hard because I'm not one to just jump blindly into a situation as big as this, but when the Lord says too, you don't argue! :)

Bah Humbug!

Ok, so the title is only slightly misleading. I'm not really feeling bah humbug about the holidays.  I love Christmas and spending time with the fam and celebrating the miraculous birth of our Savior and His life that was spent in teaching us, each one of us, the great and wonderful gospel and finally sacrificing that life to atone for each and every sin you or I will ever commit in this life as well as covering for all the pain, suffering and hurt that we experience when we don't sin and are completely innocent.
Now after saying that, I feel mucho guilt about what I was gonna blog about.  Don't know if I'm gonna actually post this, but if you're reading this, then obviously I did. :)  If you are....please keep in mind, this is not my usual frame of mind, but it's been going on for a while now I had to get it out of my head and onto "paper" to keep my sanity, the little bit I have anyway! ;)

But now that I've taken a bit of a hiatus from typing this, I've had sufficient time to relapse into my "Blue Christmas" attitude and "Woe is me!" mindset! :p

This holiday season has been extra hard this year.  It's been hard the past few years, but I don't remember crying at the drop of a hat (and if you know me, I don't cry that much, period)! I don't know why it's so much harder, but it is.  And before you ask....no, it's not hormones, I won't go into details on how I know, but trust me. I really don't want to be stuck on myself and thinking how sad my situation is, cuz I know I have a great life and I'm so very blessed.  I have an amazing family, great friends, the true gospel, not to mention a very nice apartment, new (to me) car (yes, it's in the shop, but it's all covered by warranty and I have a rental that's included), good education, and so many other things I'm not gonna bore you with the list.  But the one thing I've always wanted more than anything else, is to be a wife and mother.  And that hasn't happened yet.  I'm 30 years old, and in the past 10 years, all my relationships have lasted less than a month, for five straight years there were no relationships.  And correct me if I'm wrong, but it's usually helpful for the whole marriage thing to happen if you're actually able to get in a relationship! And I apologize again for the whole tone of this post, I'm not (I don't thnk anyway) really a bitter, angry old maid.  But I am tired of all those dating games.  I usually don't have a problem knowing if the guys are interested....it's when they stop being interested that drives me crazy.  It's when they stop talking to me for no reason, ignore me for days, or just can't man up and tell me that they're not interested.  I'm not some crazy, hormonal teenager.  I'm a big girl, I can handle the news, it's not gonna destroy my world.  Yes, I'll be bummed, cuz obviously I was interested in you if I'm upset at you being an idiot (usually don't get upset at people being idiots who I'm not trying to build a relationship with), but being bummed is part of life, and I'll recover...promise! And probably a whole lot quicker than your ego would like to admit!

But is there something drastically wrong with me? I don't think so, in fact, I think I'm quite a catch!  Yeah, I've got problems and issues and baggage, but it's a light carry-on.  I've got my quirks, but who doesn't.  And if I had any major problems or issues that needed to be resolved, I would hope and I believe that my friends would love me enough to tell me to fix things.  But they haven't, and I trust them.  I'm not gonna pretend to be someone I'm not, cuz I can't.  I'm a tough, red-neckish, truck-driving, wrestling, energetic, independent, stubborn and ornery woman.  But the kind of guys I like, like that kind of woman.  So what's the problem here?  Sometimes I feel like how my mom described my sister when she went to nursery for the first time (she was a few months younger than most because my mom was called as the primary leader when she was about 15-16 months).  But she would want to play with the other kids so much and they would ignore her, you know how kids can be, so she would grab them and shake them as if to say "PLAY WITH ME, BE MY FRIEND, DO IT NOW!" We laugh about how she was the youngest and the smallest there, but this sweet child was the bully of the nursery!  And we all know how effective shaking someone and getting in their face is to make them be your friend.  Not very! But sometimes, I want to shake some of these guys and say "DATE ME! I'M A GREAT, SWEET, NICE GIRL!! YOU'LL LIKE ME, JUST DO IT!!!"  But something tells me they might not believe me if I do that! :)

And trust me, I've had everyone under the sun tell me all sorts of "great" advice, heck, I've given it to others when they've felt like me.  Problem is, it doesn't help change the fact that at the end of the day, I'm alone.  "But" you ask, "don't you have an amazing and wonderful family that you're super close to and great friends?" Yep, that's true, I do, I'm very lucky that way.  But at 30, our relationships have changed and I no longer live with my family, so eventually I leave them, I come home alone. "But," you have another question," don't you have a great roommate that'll hang out with you and talk to you and eat your experimental dishes?" True again.  She's awesome, and I've been muey blessed to live with some great girls who have inspired me and love me and I love them and they've helped shape me into who I am today. But again, at the end of the day, I leave her (and them) and walk back to my cold and empty room, slip into my queen size bed, alone.  And when I have those hard moments, when the world is coming down around me, all I need is a hug from someone telling me it'll be ok. I'm alone. I know I could go see a thousand people to cry to, but I don't call people to tell them I need a hug, that's not me, so I sit on my couch or my bed, crying my eyes out, by myself, which I seem to have been doing a lot lately.

Now again, I hate thinking so much about this, and I really do try to get it off my mind.  I go to family functions and enjoy them.  Go to parties and activities, do my baking and shopping and errands, and it helps, but this time of year, everything gets thrown back in my face.  The other day I was visiting with a couple friends, each who have a kid, one's pretty new, and they're talking and I'm sitting across the room, and I love them and I love their kids, but there's a sharp pain in my heart seeing the tableaux they made with their children and I didn't have that, and that's all I really want.  Then when my single friends are all excited about new relationships that have been a long time in coming, I am so very happy for them, cuz I know the struggles and heartache they've been through, but again, that stab in my chest, cuz again, I want that and I cannot see it happening for as far as I can see.  Then with Christmas shows and even the commercials, they're all about that special someone and finding them and showing them how much you care, it's throwing it back in my face that I'm single and alone.  And don't get me started about Christmas songs! I love Christmas music, I start listening it the day after Thanksgiving cuz I love the feeling it brings to this time of year, but I've had to turn the station so much this year cuz the tears come unbidden to my eyes.  Even my friends facebook comments about the great things or funny things or sweet things their husbands or kids have done turns on the waterworks these days.

And trust me, if all I wanted was to be married, I could have had that happen a long, long time ago, I've had offers, but you can't say I'm being picky, cuz if you knew the guys you would agree, they weren't for me, not that many of them weren't good guys, they were, and some of them married great woman and I'm happy for them.  I don't know why I'm not married, but I do know I want a good marriage, not perfect, like my parents, and so many of my friends have.  So I'm holding out for someone I know can complement me, not perfect though, cuz where's the fun in that!  Who is 100% a partner, loves, cherishes, and respects me and I him.  I want him like Mr. Knightley in Jane Austen's Emma, says about the title character, "He had ridden home through the rain; and had walked up directly after dinner, to see how this sweetest and best of all creatures, faultless in spite of all her faults, bore the discovery."  That's what I want to find, someone who sees all my faults and understands them and wants to help me overcome them, but still considers me faultless.  When I find that person, I will give him everything cuz I can't do anything part way, it's not in my nature.  Until then, I'll work and I'll pray and I'll laugh and I'll live, cuz I know this "downer" part of me will move on and my happy, excited, cheery self will be back and I'll be ok again...might not be till next year, but hey! I'll take what I can get! ;)

No more homework, no more books, no more teacher's dirty looks!

Ok, ok, so I don't think I ever got dirty looks from my teachers this semester, but the semester is done! I'm quite excited, anatomy was kicking my butt! Though I do quite love learning anatomy, and I loved my other class, but the end of the semester means I'm that much closer to graduating.  I'm trying to get my internship lined up, but my procastinating skills are kicking into high gear and I'm fighting them, but I've had more experience procastinating then being organized.  I'm up to the task though, cuz I'm Jenean! ;)

Updates: Shelley died....my Explorer. :( It was quite a sad experience, I really wanted her to last me till I graduated, but c'est la vie! So I bought a "new" 2007 Chevy Trailblazer....I know!!! I bought a CHEVY!!! What was I thinking? I'm 100% a Ford girl! I hate Chevy just on principal alone! But it was too good a deal to turn down, a much nicer car than I thought I could afford right now, and it'll last me a while, though I'm gonna upgrade to a Ford when I get a job that pays real money!  And it is really pretty, Moonstone is the color, kinda like a silver blue. Janessa helped me with the name, and since I'm a traitor to the Ford, Janessa suggested Brutus first, but I said I was the traitor, so the car was more like Julius Ceasar, so that's it's name....JC for short, or Julius.  Yes, Julius Tremble can feel quite flattered because he shares a name with my car. :)

Two roadtrips for the break, just came back yesterday from the first one to NC.  It was a quick weekend trip, lots of fun, first time in a long time that I wasn't happy about coming back to Atlanta after a trip.  No matter how much fun I've had on trips, I'm always happy to come back home, but yesterday I wanted to go back to NC! Maybe I'll look there for an intern?  The long trip starts the day after Christmas.  Janessa's starting a job out in Utah, she flies out Wed and comes home from Christmas, so I'm driving out with her the day after so she can have her car out there and I'll fly back after the first of the year sometime, right now looking like Jan 3/4 (overnight layover in Dallas), but I think I'm gonna wait a bit and see if I can get a non-overnight layover, we'll see what happens.

Now just 2 weeks before Christmas, Happy Holidays Y'all!

Confusion, Indecisiveness, and General Blech

You know those days or weeks when nothing's really wrong, but you just feel blech? Yeah, today's one of those days.  It seems this week has been full of little things that aren't that big of a deal, but they all together they seem multiply and increase this icky feeling.  I find I usually have those days (or weeks, depending) after something that had a big build-up and then there's nothing after, so you drop from the adrenalin rush you were having.  And since last weekend was the YSA Conference that I helped plan and execute, this week definitely fits into this category.  But I'll get over it soon enough.  I have my last softball game tonight (hopefully no bats to the head, oh yeah, I didn't write about that, well, that'll be a quick post for another day, and I have pics), then a massage appointment after.  I haven't made it up to Alan and Crystal's new house at all this week, not because I couldn't, but because I had plans that ended up falling through, which also adds to the blech feeling.  But they move in on Saturday, and that'll be good for them, I'm excited for them.

Classes start next week and I'm at an indecisive area.  I'm not sure if I want to keep on with my emphasis or not.  I've completely been procrastinating my thesis and I'm kinda debating on whether I should stop at the Master's, and if I could be sure I could get a teaching position at a junior college, I'd be more than fine with that.  Or I was also thinking I might could switch to the Fitness and Health Promotion, do an internship instead of a thesis, and work in an area that promotes health and fitness outside of being a personal trainer.  I would be more than fine working in a gym, but I know I'm not cut out to be a trainer, at least that not being the only thing I do.  I like management positions and teaching/discussion as part of it too (yes, I'm bossy!) and I am passionate about health and fitness.   So yeah, I've been debating about it.  But the only thing is, if I switch to the Fitness and Health Promotion emphasis, I'm not sure I'll be able to go on and get a PhD if I ever decide to.  Which right now I'd be ok with, but if I end up changing my mind down the road, I won't be.  Anyway, sorry this is a downer post, but I'll add a more upbeat one soon....if I remember to write! ;-)

Let the craziness ensue....well, more so than usual at least!

So this week has been slightly crazy.  First my one roommates fam was staying with us through Wednesday, which they were great, but we double the occupancy of our 3-bedroom apartment, suddenly there's people everywhere and all sharing the hall bathroom.  Slight chaos, but really not that big of a deal.  But let's back-up a little bit, shall we? This past weekend a group of us went camping at Tallulah Gorge... so much fun!! We hiked around, some of us did the stairs, some of the smart ones didn't.  One of the girls got sick from the heat and climbing all those stairs (there's over 1000 steps), and that was quite exciting, but luckily she wasn't too overheated and was fine with a little A/C and water at the Interpretive Center (essentially it's the ranger station and gift shop for those of you who've never been).  And no, we didn't get lost this time! :)We got back and that's when the craziness ensued. 

This weekend is the Multi-Regional YSA Conference with Elder Ballard speaking tomorrow night to a combined fireside for YSA and SA (and mid-singles, they like to differentiate themselves), and I'm the Roswell Stake YSA Rep and the only person that I can tell that's been posting info about the conference on FB.  So my FB is blowing up, my phone is exploding with all these questions about the conference, which would be fine if I knew more than the people asking me....which I really don't.  The conference itself is planned out, I hope! But I'm not sure how the housing situation's gonna play out, they're supposed to organize it tonight at the dance, and there are around 200 people who said they needed housing, so I pray that they have enough accomodations for everyone.  Then the other thing is the activity after the fireside.  The fireside starts at 5pm, which means we'll have the whole evening afterwards for people to enjoy.  We're doing dinner, which should be fine, but some of us were pushing for an organized activity instead of a dance, well, they're encouraging small group discussions of the fireside, which is great, but it'll only last through dinner, I'm betting.  So I'm pulling Janessa in to help me with games and possibly Mike to send a dj down last minute and start another dance if need be.  So yeah, I hope this doesn't end on a lame note, but next year we're totally revamping the whole system, so that should be good.

But to get back to the rest of my week.  Last Friday Alan and Crystal bought a house, then Tuesday she flew out to Oregon with Hailey for her dad's wedding this weekend (funny how everything happens at once! But the house needs cleaning and painting before they can move in, which is next weekend when she gets back (she can't do much at the house anway, she's 6 months preggers).  So Monday I worked at dad's office, then a softball game, then FHE.  Tuesday was the temple, then shopping for decor for the dance, then Institute, then bball.  Wedneday I was over at the bro's house cleaning and prepping for the paint.  Then went to help a guy pick up a bookcase he'd bought that didn't fit in his small sedan, but would in my big 'ol Explorer. :)  Wednesday night a guy in the ward was taking out his endowments, so I was back at the temple, and we went to Yogli afterwards for dessert.  Thursday dad needed a bunch of courier service done from Sandy Springs to Buford, and I was going to go back to Alan's and work more after I was done, but the A/C went out in the apartment Wednesday night, so the only time they could make it Thursday was between 12-2 or it would be today. I don't really get too hot in general and I was dying Wednesday night, so I came back to the condo so someone would be here when they came.  That being done, I headed back up to Alan's and cleaned more and taped up a couple rooms to get them ready to paint today.  And today I'm going to my gma's to help her with some stuff around the house and meeting another girl at 4ish to finish decor for the dance and get there around 7 to set up.  Then I'll be down in Jonesboro till late tomorrow night.  And I'm not done yet.... Sunday will be church, but there are a bunch of guys coming up from Ft. Rucker to go to the conference and temple and were asking about Linger Longer on Sunday, got me thinking we should do a potluck for any of those who we meet at the conference who are staying through Sunday evening, so I started organizing that.  Then I get an email saying there's a Stake Leadership training meeting with Elder Ballard Sunday evening at 6:30pm (it'll be broadcast, he won't physically be there).  Our church ends at 4:30.  So I can't host this potluck anymore, so we end up switching it to another girl's house so those of us who need to be at the meeting can just leave.

Whew...I feel tired! :)  But I am excited for this weekend, I think it'll be good overall, and yeah, there might be hiccups, but c'est la vie!

Yeah, bout that...

You ever feel that you think you know exactly what's going on, only to find out you're completely clueless? Yeah, it's been one of those days. Nothing really happened, it's just been a blech day making me feel like I don't have a handle on anything in my life. But I'm sure I'll feel better after sleep.

Thankful...

I know Thanksgiving is coming up next week, but that's not what prompted this, I actually keep forgetting that Thanksgiving is so close, though I am way excited about it! Yay for yummy food. I just haven't expressed my gratitude for all the many wonderful blessings the Lord, in his mercy, has given me.

The very first thing on my list is the true gospel of Jesus Christ that was restored to this earth by His prophet, Joseph Smith, Jr. I cannot imagine, nor do I wish to, the nothingness that would be my life without this gospel and the Atonement that only the Lord could have brought to pass with His perfect life. It has, more than anything else, made me who I am. I do not always live it like I should, but I have a solid testimony that is so very true and I am striving to do better with all that I have and am, and picking myself up each time I fall to start over again.

I am so incredibly blessed with my amazing and wonderful family. I thought I had a normal family growing up, but the older I get, the more I realize that it's not normal, thank goodness for that! My parents are so in love and committed to each other and their children and I know they're not perfect but they are sooo very good and I love them and everything they've taught me. I have three beautiful, amazing, talented sisters, each in her own way, that teach me all the time how to be the best I can be and who I can call on whenever I need help, even if it's something like coloring my hair, picture stuff, pep talks, massages, or whatever. My brother is the best brother a girl could ask for, he's always strived to be worthy of the priesthood that he holds and stays firmly planted in the gospel, he's always quick with a funny joke to lift my spirits when I'm in a funk. He married a wonderful woman, she's the perfect sister-in-law for us and thank goodness she has a bountiful supply of patience, cuz if you know us Higginbotham's, you know she needs it! :D And I don't have enough words to describe the wonderful child that is their daughter. She lights up my life!! Whenever I need to forget my worries and stressful situations, I can hear her say "Neanie, Neanie!" and it works every time. My grandmother amazes me with her energy and time and devotion she spends on serving so many people. She is 82 and does more in a day than I can do in a week! She takes care of me every time I try to do something for her. I won't go into details for the rest of my relatives (including all those friends that I've adopted into my family!) but I wouldn't be the woman I am without them, and I could write sheets and sheets on these people.

I have been blessed to acquire so much knowledge in the education world, the Lord is helping me survive my graduate classes and learn more each day about the workings of the body, His creation, and the details that go into the movement we use to function throughout our day without a second thought. I know we have so much more to learn about how the body works, both on the micro- and the macro-level, but the more I learn, the more it is a testimony to me that we were made by a Supreme Creator, He knew what He was doing and it wasn't by chance in the least. And I don't know all the details of how He did it, or even all the details of the finished product, but I love learning more about it and understanding the intricacies that are involved. I struggle with so many things that hinder me in this progress, procrastination being near, if not at, the top of the list, but with the Lord's help and by His will, I can and will finish this course that I've started on.

I could continue on and on and on with all that I have been blessed with, these are not the least nor the entire list by far. I know that I am nothing and God is everything, my stupid pride does get in the way a lot of the time, but I give the glory to God for any good that I have ever accomplished in my life, He is my Father, Christ is my brother, and I cannot, nor will I deny the truths that I know!

Graduate School

Sooo, yes, it's been over a year since I updated! I would say it's because my life hasn't been exciting and it's been very boring, yeah right! ;) Anyone who halfway knows me knows that's a lie! The most exciting thing that's happened is that I started grad school a few weeks ago. I am currently a Master's of Exercise Science student at GSU.

And yes, I'm still excited, and loving it for the most part. But here's the deal...I'm a worrier....a BIG worrier, not about others so much, I tend to believe the positive and be an optimist when it comes to them, but when it comes to me....it's worst case scenario, like, worse, worse, worst. Worried that I'm not gonna be right, that I can't do it, that I'll make a fool of myself, that I'll be so completely bad that I'll never recover....yeah, I know, not true.

But then I also know, logically, that it's not as bad as I think it'll be, but until I actually get to the event I'm worrying about, I stress and worry and yeah....and to add to that in a school setting, I'm a procastinator, which I think stems from the worrying part, cuz if it's something I know how to do, no problem, I get it done, if it's got a deadline atleast. And yes, I'm worried, stressed and nothing logically that I know, which is true, is gonna get rid of this feeling until I get through all my classes. So yes, I just signed myself up for two years of incredible stress, plus another 3-4 for a PhD. Yuck, what was I thinking? :) But I also know I'll make it through and be fine, this is just how I am! Always have been, though I'm pretty good at hiding it from most people. But yes, I do like being in class and learning and all that (though definitely not like being on a student budget again - yes, another worry!). And I definitely like having a student schedule and not feeling like I don't have a life outside of work.

Other than that, all my friends are having babies and I'm loving it! Most are here in Atlanta which is great for me cuz I get to see them more often! Life's good and the gospel's true! Oh, just remembered another big event, I got released from Activity Co-chair in the single's ward, after 1 1/2 years or so, and don't have anything else currently (though I'm sure that will change soon). Kinda went through an identity crisis at first, but I did have my first thing I could say I could help out with and not have planning/preparing for an activity conflict with the other day, which was awesome! :)

 So I babysat my niece Sat. She's awesome and I love her! We had a ton of fun, I took her for a walk, then drove up to see some co-workers at the office, and she tried all day to open doors. Here's some pics from our adventures (of course I didn't take any that were incriminating or they wouldn't let me babysit again)!

 What a snickerdoodle!! :)

Crazy Adventures....or Thank Goodness for Tender Mercies

Alright, most of ya'll know my habit for having adventures...pretty much everywhere I go. I guess it's a Higginbotham thing. Two weeks in a row playing basketball a month or so ago, I first sprained my thumb....twice (I kept playing after the initial injury and then proceeded to hurt it again which took me out until the next week, but not until I had a good couple of hours in of playing) and then the next week I'm playing under the basket trying to rebound against 6'4" guys when one of them caught me in the eye with his elbow and knocked my flat on my back. I was fine except for the black eye which developed over the next couple days (my first one) and a small cut on my lower lid on the outside. So what do I do? I stick a band-aid over the cut and keep playing. :D Here's a picture of how I looked, a bandaid directly under my right eye, my right hand wrapped up to protect my thumb and I wear an ankle brace while playing cuz I sprained my ankle about 1 1/2 years ago and I don't want to re-injure it. I'm running out of appendages on my right side to injure!! ;)

So that's a pre-cursor to this past weekend, which was Labor Day. And I don't sit around the house very well, so I was trying to plan some kind of activity but the problem was a lot of people were out of town for the holiday. After basketball last Tuesday night (injury free I might add) I was talking to a friend and we started talking about cliff jumping and how we both were wanting to go. So I suggest going to Jack's River Falls on the border of GA and Tennessee this weekend, either Sat or Mon. It's about 2-2 1/2 hours away and then you hike about an hour or two to the falls, but it's really pretty and fun to jump the cliffs there. I'd been there with another group a few years ago and have wanted to go back for a while. So, I start asking around to who might be interested. We decided to go Mon and it ended up being 4 of us. John, Matt, Jenna, and myself. We drove my car up there and made it to the trail without to many mishaps, just missed one turn, but we were only a few miles away, so not a big deal. It looked like it was going to be a fun adventure. Little did we know!!

We left Atlanta around 9:30ish, and stopped for a bathroom break at around 11:30 at a Hardee's. Matt got a burger, but none of the rest of us were hungry. Jenna had not eaten breakfast because she thought we were only going 10 minutes down the road to the Chattahoochee, not Jack's River. But she said she'd be fine as it was only a few hours before we'd be heading back. So we proceeded on.

We got up to the parking lot at the trail head about 12-12:30pm and started walking. It wasn't very long before I realized I'd forgotten my water, but decided it'd be ok as it was only a couple miles away. No one else had water either or any form of sustenance of the food variety. But then again, we were only going a couple miles down the trail (are you starting to see a pattern here?) So we start hiking and I'm getting teased about it being further than I said it was going to be, cuz I'm the only one that really knew where we were going, or thought I did. We come to a split in the trail and I proceed to turn to the right thinking that was the shorter path to the Falls.

About an hour later, I don't think we're going the right way anymore and am thinking we should have turned left instead of right, but I'm honestly not sure at all, and we have the option to keep going on or turn around and head back. We put it to a group vote and decide to keep going on. A couple hours later we finally see a sign that says Jack's River Trail one way and High Ridge Trail another way, so we think we're on the right path. (I'm a little discouraged at this point). We discuss which direction to take again and decide to say a prayer. And we're still thinking we're going to make it to the Falls.

Well, an hour or so later, we see another sign for the Penitentiary Branch going one way, but we keep following the main river thinking it'll lead us to the falls. We haven't passed any living soul before we made the wrong turn till now, though there were plenty of people starting out at the beginning of the trail with us and we passed a lot of people too. We finally passed a man hiking towards us and he informs us that the Falls are back the direction we came from but that if we kept going for about another hour (we're tired, but not too exhausted at this point, and I'm very frustrated with myself for pulling everyone into this, I'm seriously about to cry, and I'm praying....a lot!!!) we'll make it out to A parking lot, he's not and we're not sure if it's the parking lot where our car is, but we decide it can't be far away if it's not where we want to be. So we keep going.

About an hour later, (I really don't know exactly how far apart all these were spaced, none of us had watches and we'd left our phones in the car, it just felt like an hour later) we stop for a break. Remember we have no food or water, though we have been drinking water from the river which we've crossed and re-crossed about 20 plus times (no exaggeration). We're talking and all of a sudden John goes berzerk, swatting at something and runs further up the trail, followed closely by Jenna, someone yells "BEES" and I feel a sting and start running, just not as far, cuz Matt had run the opposite direction. So I wait where I can see him cuz I'm not sure if he's allergic or not to bee stings, but he was just trying to see what riled them up and where the nest was, but he gets stung and again runs the opposite direction. I get stung again and turn and run to where John and Jenna are waiting. We're sitting there waiting and finally Matt comes up. We decide they had to have been yellow jackets as there were no stingers left and we all had atleast 4 0r 5 stings, but thank goodness no one was allergic to them though!

At this point we're all agreed that we definitely have to keep going the way we're going cuz we do not want to go through those yellow jackets again. And it's getting later and later of course. We go for a while longer and stop to pray again, for help to make it out and make it home that night, cuz we were thinking it could be a very real possibility that we could spend the night there. We only had a couple of towels with us and a flashlight that I had thrown in my backpack meaning to put it in my car, though I didn't know how long the batteries would last.

We decide that we can either keep going or head back the way we came, cuz we know we can get out that way, but we don't know how much further we're heading into the woods if we keep going. We decide to keep going anyway and about a half mile from there we see the trail head!!!!! Can I tell you how excited and grateful we were not to be in the woods anymore??? Except it wasn't our parking lot. We look at the map on the sign, which sucks by the way, make sure you have a good map of the area if you ever do go, cuz I couldn't tell where we were or where we needed to be, even though I can usually read maps well.

Where we had parked our car that morning, the road continued up the mountain so I figured if we walked downhill from where we were, we could get there. The road did go the other direction uphill, though I still don't know if that would have gotten us there any better. So we start walking. There were a truck and a silver car parked at the trailhead where we came out, but no one was around. It's getting near dusk at this point. And we're walking and walking and not getting anywhere. There's one T-intersection we come to where we can go straight or turn right, we turn right for a little while, but it doesn't look it was very heavily trafficked, so we turned around and went the other direction.

Everyone's exhausted, hungry, thirsty, and hurting at this point (or I was atleast, I'm assuming everyone else was too) and we just want to get to the car, praying that we'll come to something that we'll recognize so we know where we're going. I'm crying cuz I'm frustrated and angry at myself for bringing everyone down there and getting us lost and walking all over creation, but I keep walking cuz I know we have to. The sun's now down, and I've been in my hiking sandals without socks all day. And they work very well for short distance hiking and walking through water and what not, but they're not made for 8 hours of hiking, so they were rubbing and I could feel a blister forming, luckily I had specifically thrown socks in my backpack cuz last time I went I completely forgot them and I had to hike the trail barefoot cuz my tennis shoes gave me a blister on my heel. So we stopped so I could put on my socks and started walking again.

A couple minutes after this we see headlights!!! I can't tell you how exciting that was. The truck that had been parked at the trail head was being driven by a couple of men who had been hunting. They stopped and we told them we were lost and where we had parked. They looked a bit shocked and said "We know exactly where that is, you're about 17 miles exactly from your car." I about broke down at that point. They look somewhat resigned though and tell us to hop in the back of the truck, they'll give us a ride.. They were cousins who had been hunting and Lynn was driving Jason home. They ended up taking us to Jason's house cuz Lynn had to work at 4:30am and it was an hour and a half driving time to our car. They told us we had been better off turning around and walking back down the trail to our car rather than walking on the road, we were on the other side of the mountain! As soon as we hopped in the bed of the truck and started going, we immediately said a prayer of thanks for them stopping to get us. The clock on the truck said it was 8:40pm.

So we get to Jason's house and he must have called ahead to his wife, because as soon as we pull up she comes out with glasses of water (Bless Her!!!) for us and they invite us in asking if we want anything to eat. Allison, Jason's wife then proceeds to heat up some chicken alfredo for us and garlic bread and brings over cheese croissants and keeps asking us if we want diet coke or mtn dew or debbie cakes or anything. Jason does the same thing after he changes. Lynn talks to us for a little while before he leaves and tells us that he almost didn't take that way home tonight. Everyone once in a while he'll take the other way home and they had come up the way where they picked us up and were going to go home the other way, but decided to come back the same way instead. I know that was the Spirit guiding them to us!! Thank goodness for the tender mercies!

So we finish drinking and eating and drinking and drinking. And then we load up in Jason's car and head to ours. It was probably around 9:40 at this point (it took a little while to get to Jason's house too). We drive and talk to Jason and he stops and gets gas first and Matt said that it's too bad we don't have our wallets cuz we could have paid for his gas, and Jason immediately, almost offended, says there's no way he would have let us, but then he did thank us for the offer. After he gets back in the car he asks if we're still hungry, he'd buy us a hamburger and Jenna (who remember hadn't eaten all day till we got to Jason's house) starts laughing cuz her and John were just saying how they were still hungry. So, Jason pulls around to Hardee's and buys Jenna an apple turnover and a coke. John doesn't want to take advantage of their generosity anymore so he keeps quiet, but Jason would have bought hima thick burger in an instant. They were our angels!!

We then keep driving to where our car is and finally get there, after spotting a raccoon and a copper head snake on the way! I have never been so excited to see my pretty Green Explorer, even though she was all muddy! We pile into the car and say another prayer of thanks and for safety to travel the rest of the way home and take off. I didn't trust myself to stay awake cuz night driving is not my strong suit anyway so John offered to drive. I knew I could stay awake enough to keep talking to him and keep him awake so I rode shotgun. So we get out of the park and on a regular road heading towards the highway that takes us to I-75 and John notices a car behind us seems to be getting on his tail so he speeds up and then the blue lights come on. It was a cop! :( Definitely the last thing we needed at this point. It was around 12:20am.

The officer comes up and gets John's license and said he had pulled us over because John was swerving and wanted to see make sure he wasn't drunk. We told him the short version of our story and how we had just started heading home to Atlanta. He was very nice, but then asked for the rest of our licenses, but Jenna didn't have hers cuz she'd forgotten her wallet. He then informed us that in the state of Tennessee (where we were), you're supposed to always have your license on you, even as a passenger, which in Georgia, you don't. But he got her name and birthdate and had to run a check to make sure we weren't wanted. That was kinda exciting. :) But of course we all cleared and he let us go. He did tell us that there were some good maps of the trails on Chattahoocheebicycling.com or something like that, and we could get them next time we came up.

After that there wasn't really much adventure, we just stop at the gas station to fill up and Taco Bell to get John some sustenance, but we made it home safely, though tired at 2am.

I tell you what though. We were definitely watched over yesterday. We're lucky that the worst thing that happened was some bee stings. We could easily have twisted an ankle crossing that river those 27 something times. We could have gotten cramps in our legs from dehydration and not been able to walk anymore. Poisonous snakes were around the area and we could have been bitten. Some crazy people could have found us instead of the awesome, amazing people who did. We could have ended up sleeping on the road or in the woods that night. And I can't think of what else could have happened. But I do know that I was never scared that we wouldn't make it out more or less in one piece. I knew the Lord was watching over us and I knew there was nothing to fear. We had the priesthood with us too and though we might not have made the best decisions that whole day we were trying our best to live the life the Lord wanted us to live and be the people He wanted us to be. Even when Lynn and Jason first pulled up, I had some thought that it could be someone with not so good intentions, but the Spirit was there saying it was ok. I thank God that He did watch over us yesterday and He sent those men to us to pick us up and take us into their home and feed us and take care of us as if we were their kin, though they'd hadn't known us but five minutes.

Oh, and by the way, I was thinking of going hiking this Sat at Jack's River Falls, anyone want to come? ;)

April Showers...

Wow...it's spring time again! I love this time of year. Ok, I love any time of year where the sun's out and it's over 69 degrees. But this time of year is so pretty and the flowers are blooming. My life has calmed down slightly and gotten back to my level of normalcy, i.e. slightly less craziness than previously, but way more craziness than your normal, average joe...or jane. I really don't know what happened to April. I remember starting with General Conference which was so good. I want to get the Ensign and read the talks again. And I remember ending with Stake Conference this past weekend, which was also really good. The whole middle part is a little fuzzy. Lots of parties.

We threw Jason Klomp a surprise birthday party for his 25th. His bday was on the 15th, so we were planning on having it on the 18th, however, before we could get the word out to key people, another pair of planners sent out an invite for someone else's birthday on that same day....sooooo, seeing as Jason's was a surprise and this other person's wasn't, we changed our day to the following Friday. The ruse was he was my "date" for a work party and was supposed to meet me at my place at 7:30pm.

The day of, Jason was running late, which was fine, because we needed more time for people to get there. :) But he called me to tell me he was running late, and he wanted to know if it would be better just to meet me at the place we were having the work dinner. I, of course, insisted that he just come on down to my place. Here's the conversation as I remember it:

Jason: So where is this place, cuz if it's north of you, I can just meet you there.

Jenean: No, that's ok, it's like south of here, just come on down here, it's not that big of a deal.

Jason: Well, I can just shoot down 85 and still probably be fine.

Jenean: (Thinking quickly and fudging somewhat) No, just come on, it's fine. (GULP!!!)

Jason: Is it something that you can show up late to and be fine, or will everyone be staring if we walk in late?

Jenean: It'll be fine if we're late, besides, you know me, I love for everyone to be staring at me, especially if I have a cute guy on my arm. (Flippancy is what I was going for to throw him off the scent!) ;)

Jason: *Laughs* Thanks for the compliment. When does this start?

Jenean: Oh, around 8-8:30. (Why is he all of a sudden playing 20 questions?)

Jason: Ok, I'll be there then.

Jenean: (Whew, I think he bought it) Sounds good, just call me when you get close.

Jason: Alright, will do.

Yeah, he doesn't call. We're all finishing up stuff for the party, cutting up fruit, I'm finishing up the cake and about 8pm (about the time Jason should have been there), there's a knock on the door. Everyone sorta freezes, then they all jump into the living room area, and I walk to the door. Of course I can't look through the peep hole because it's too high up, I should have had one of the guys look for me, but I wasn't thinking quick enough. I still have my apron on, and I start to open the door really slowly and realize it, so I take it off at the same time. It's Jason at the door, and I start to make small talk. Jason told me later that he was noticing that I had the apron on, and he was thinking, "Why is she cooking? We're late, we have to go!" I open the door wider, without thinking that there are balloons and birthday decorations right inside where he can see, Jason's thinking, "Someone's having a party, but we have to go!" All of a sudden I realize about the decorations and as he comes inside, I yell "SURPRISE!" And everyone else jumps out and yells surprise too. It took a second for him to process, but then he gets it and I confess that there is no work dinner tonight. Project "Jason's Surprise Birthday Party" was a success. :D

Wedding Cake Adventures

Now on to this weekend. Ashley Graham and Brandon Johnson got married yesterday!!! And I did their cake! I started baking it last week and froze it, then frosted it Tues and Thurs nights (the bachelorette party was Wed night) and we were going down Friday night so it had to be done before then cuz the wedding was at 11am yesterday and the reception was at 1:30pm, down in Columbus, GA. So I ended up taking Friday off from work to decorate the cake.

Ash and I went through a few different designs before I came up with the final result (she didn't know what it was till she showed up at the reception). First she wanted a red and black polka-dot square cake that was like the one off "Because I Said So." But after being informed that red and black are the worst frosting colors because they turn everyone's mouth's that color, we nixed that idea, but we were thinking marzipan might work. Then she sent me a pic of a cake with stripes/ribbons on it, which would be easy enough cuz I could just frost it (which is really the hardest part) and then put the ribbons on. Then she saw a pic of a cake with a different design on each tier that she really liked, and she didn't want to be pulling ribbon of her cake when it came time to cut it. And we decided to do the top and bottom layer white frosting and the middle layer chocolate. Soooo.....the only thing that didn't change was the square cake.

So, I decided to do a wide chocolate frosting "ribbon" look on the bottom layer, with polka-dots and cornelli lace alternating design on each one, as if it was a design on a fabric ribbon. The middle layer I just did small polka-dots. Then the top layer, Mom actually ended up doing it all over with cornelli lace pattern. That was the layer everyone liked!! Mom actually helped me ton on the cake, thank goodness. She's so amazing!

Well, a couple adventures we had were that I ordered the wrong separator plates and they should have been a couple of inches bigger each. Then I added WAY too much cocoa trying to get the chocolate frosting dark brown. Then we got that fixed. Then I thought black food coloring would darken it up...sounds logical, right?? WRONG!!!! It made it this LIGHTER ugly gray color. So then I thought we might could salvage it by adding some brown food coloring...it helped....a little....a very little!!! So then, cuz we didn't use up all the chocolate frosting in this first attempt, we mixed the rest of the plain chocolate frosting with the "colored" chocolate frosting and it actually did make this really pretty dark brown that I was going for.

Then we got them done and packed in enough time (thanks to my wonderful and extremely skillful dad) for me to meet Hillary and Mark Elton and David and Whitney Anderson to caravan down to Columbus, as we were staying with Hill's parents. I wanted to originally take the cake straight to the Stake Center and unload it there Friday night, and I'd just put it together when I got there on Saturday. But then I was informed that it would be an hour round trip to get there from the Swanson's house and that they would have room in their fridge for the cake. So I agreed to just take it there on Saturday. I didn't end up putting it in the fridge, cuz it was in the boxes and this was a 16", 12", and 8" cake....in other words...really, really big! So it went in the food storage room upstairs with me, to keep away from the grandkids and it had an ac unit in there I could crank down to keep it cool.

We got up Saturday morning and it's pouring rain! We get ready and load the cake in the car. I wanted to leave early to take the cake to the stake center again, but was informed that there was more than likely not going to be anyone there. So, I would just go there straight after the wedding. We make it to the wedding site, a cute little chapel in the woods. And we go in, in the pouring rain, through the mud. And it was so cute inside the building. Very nicely decorated. The wedding ceremony was very sweet and beautiful, and Ashley looked gorgeous!!

I leave the wedding site to go to the stake center to set up and assemble the cake and I'm following Hill to get back to the interstate. The last right turn I take to get on the road that'll take me to the interstate....I cut to close, and jump the curb...BIG TIME! I of course scream, immediately pull over and put my emergency flashers on and climb in the back to check on the cake, cuz though we packed it securely, that was a big jolt. The middle layer's ok, phew. Next I check the bottom layer. AHHHH, it's smashed into the corner of the box!! I jump out of the car and run around to the back, open the door and have to smash my fingers into the frosting (why it's a good reason to buy a separator plate a couple inches bigger than the cake you're putting on it) to move the cake away from the edge fo the box. I'm freaking out now and in a hurry to get to the stake center to see what I can do to salvage the cake. I then look at the top layer....YIKES!! It's smashed into the corner of the box too!! Just not as bad, and I can move that one away a little easier.

I jump back in the car and take off down the road, flying till I make it to the stake center. I run in, (it's still pouring rain) and recruit Taylor Burke to help me carry in the cakes. Jacob Terry's there, so he finds me a table I can work on, so as not to mess up the beautifully decorated cake table they have set up in the gym. They have no room in the kitchen with the other food, so I'm having to do the repair job right there! And it's 12:40pm and the reception starts at 1:30pm. I have no idea how I'm going to fix this cake either, it's smashed pretty bad. Though luckily there are two sides that look decent enough that I can do a quick fix job and turn those to the front. Ryan Smith was my amazing helper and found supplies for me and help me hide the bottom layer, which was the worst one damaged, with the tulle on the table and the roses we pilfaged from the other tables. In my opinion Ryan saved the cake. I don't think I could have gotten looking half as good without him! Thanks for marrying such a good man Heather!!

We set it up and assembled it and I put the border on, all as they're announcing Ashley and Brandon and saying the blessing on the food, yeah, talk about the center of attention!!! But it did turn out well, and looked really good after it was all over, and Ashley loved it, which is what mattered, and as long as you didn't look too closely at the back, you couldn't tell it'd been smashed...really.

But I had a good time and will definitely do it again if given the chance....though I won't drive all over Harris County (or whatever county it needs to go to) with the cake in my car for two days. I'm taking it straight from my house (or my folks house, wherever it happens to be finished at) to the reception site in one trip. Less, though I know it doesn't eliminate all, chance of anything happening to it the less time it's in the car.

But we stayed at the Swanson's all weekend, and ate like they do in the country, way too much of way too good food. I loved every minute of it and I'm going to be eating salads for every meal for two weeks to make up for it, but it was so worth it. But it was Hillary's niece's blessing today, so we stayed for that, then they bbq'd chicken and ribs for dinner. Mmmmmm, is all I can say for that, and we came on back home. I'm thoroughly exhausted and ready to get back to some semblence of normalcy! ;)

I'll post pics of the cakes when I get them...to add to my adventure, I didn't put my memory card back in my camera so I didn't get any pics on my camera from the reception. :(

Ward Activity - Pick a Dinner, Pick a Date!

So the weekend of the 21st was our ward activity, which I was in charge of. And I cannot seem to get ahead of the game on this calling. I'm just not able to get organized. So we did a date-dinner auction, without the auction part. And it was fun...I think. We had girls bring dinner/lunch for two and we had it at noon at Hammond Park. Then the guys were give numbers and we drew their numbers out of a hat and then they chose the dinner they wanted (without knowing which girls dinner they chose). We also had the girls write down 2 truths and a lie and put with their dinners so the guys could pick someone they might have something in common with and have a conversation starter.

Well.....we ended up having twice as many guys than girls show up, which also happened at the February activity, not quite twice, but definitely 3-2 odds, and I might have had more guys than girls at my January activity too, which was my first one. So we can see where my trend's going, and I'M not complaining about the odds, but I'm sure the guys aren't too happy about it. :) So, we ended up having each dinner get picked twice so that each girl was eating with 2 guys, and we had brought extra food for whoever forgot so there was plenty if the girl hadn't brought enough, but most girls had.

Matt Drake and Drew Metcalf picked mine, and they were great and awesome picnic companions. It was a cooler day, but nice and sunny. And then at the end, when we're all packing up, Matt comes running up with flowers!! Apparently some of the girls had been complaining about cooking for the activity, so he brought flowers for whoever was going to be his "date" which happened to be me. It totally made my day!! Seriously, one of the best guys in the ward. If there's any girl who doesn't believe me, send her my way, I'll have a talk with her and convince her one way or the other....ok, ok, I'm really not going to browbeat, but I'll definitly talk to her!!!