Sunday, October 21, 2012

Never say never.....

So changes....yet again! :) I rarely say I'll never do certain things, because I know how Murphy's Law operates!  But there are a few, and if you know me, you know that two of those things are 1) I'll never buy/own a Chevy and 2) I'll never live voluntarily in Utah.  Well, apparently I get a huge, I take that back, it's not a piece, it's the whole humble pie! Last November my Explorer died and I was in the market for a new car, I ended up buying a Chevy Trailblazer because it was a deal I couldn't now I not only drive a Chevy, but I own one! Yikes!! And to add to the shame and embarrassment, when I couldn't find a job in Colorado, a friend convinced me to try my luck in Logan, UT at a call center no less! I must have been on something strong because on Aug. 27th, I packed my car....well, not really because it had been packed since Jul. 30th, and I drove to Logan, interviewed at Convergys, an inbound customer service call center, the next day and started a week after that....making less than my job I had BEFORE I started my master's program. :-S So yeah, I felt like I had moved up in the world! :-p But it's actually been really good, hard, but good.  I didn't know but 1 person here when I moved here, well, Chesnye's in-laws and I stayed with them the first week, which I'm incredibly grateful for their hospitality.  Found an apartment with a roommate that's just a little younger than my mother, but she's incredibly sweet and wonderful and I'm grateful for her.  Met this fantastic lady at church the first Sunday and she pretty much told me we were gonna be friends whether I like it or not! She's been wonderful to have around.  It's incredibly hard going to a family ward, especially in a college town so it's a highly transitional ward, and be a single woman (I'm sure it's also hard for the single guys, I've just never experienced that side personally!) :-), I feel like I just get lost in the shuffle.  Boulder was a great place, but I didn't really meet anyone that I became friends with till the last weekend I was supposed to be there, so it's been nice to have Christina here.  She's "pushed" me to go to the different activities and invite me to things with her family as if I was part of it, and it's been that way since the start.

I've also gained a new nickname at training for Convergys...."Mouth from the South!" It's beyond me why they would ever come up with such a thing! :-p And I just finished training for a second job, that's in my field, at Orriant, as a Health Assessment Technician to do health assessments at health fairs for their clients.  It doesn't pay much and it's on-call, but it's in my field and I have the chance to move up in the company, and if I move up to be a Health Coach, I can do it anywhere in the WORLD, as long as I have a good internet connection, cuz it's over the phone (VOIP).  Which would be great to have a job if, who am I kidding, when I move somewhere else. Soooo.....yeah, life's good!

The hardest part is missing my family and friends back home.  Dallin turns 1 next Thursday!!! I can't hardly believe it! And they had his birthday party last night and Crystal sent me pics and he's getting so big, and I saw pics of both Hailey and him on FB a few days ago and even Hailey's getting bigger than I expected her to be by now, and it just makes me want to cry.  And I have no idea when I'll get to go home and see them.  I hate that I'm watching them grow up through pictures.  I don't know how much longer I can do this, even though I know I don't need to be in Georgia right now, as much as I want to be.  Then I see my other friends' kids on FB and they're growing up and I won't know them when I see them again.  My heart is truly breaking at the thought.  And I'm starting over from scratch here, and it's harder because the people who I am and would be friends with are married with kids, so their schedules are complicated because of that, which is fine, but sometimes you also need friends who are in the same boat you are and all the single people I have met are 10 years younger than me....and I can be friends with them, but it's hard because they're young, and I haven't met any single girls close to my age really.  I feel like I'm in limbo right now and I'm just trying to work my way out of it.  There will be major changes before the first of the year, I'm pretty sure, and I'm excited for the new adventures, but I'm still a little scared and worried over the effects it will have on my relationships as well.  What I do know is that I am a daughter of God and He loves me, I feel like I'm about to start reciting the YW theme, but it's so true.  I love Him also, and no matter what I do or where I go, or what happens to me, those three things will never change.  And the atonement is real and covers not only my sins, but my heartaches and pains and struggles and trials as well.  Without it, there would be no hope of joy in this life, let alone actually having joy.  I am so grateful for the atonement and for Christ's sacrifice and what it means to me, that yeah, I've messed up and made mistakes and done stuff even when I knew I shouldn't, but because of his love and sacrifice and God's love in giving us His Son, I can and will and am forgiven and I can be back with him.   Not being around my family and friends right now makes this hit home a lot more.  I long for the day I can see them again, and it's not like I can't talk to them or see pics, but it's not the same as being around them, especially my babies.  But I know it will happen and that makes me happy and I am excited for that, and I know I'll see my family and friends who have passed beyond the veil one day and for that I am extremely grateful.  I'm not a perfect person, I try, but I mess up, but the Lord loves me anyway and He will help me make it back to Him, I know that.  I've never been really good at expressing myself, especially with spiritual stuff, but this is something I've always known, and I've always known the gospel is true.  Even when I'm at my lowest point, I've always felt God's love for me and I've never felt completely without hope, and I wish I knew how to share that feeling with others, especially the ones who are despairing, because I KNOW He feels the exact same way about them and I KNOW they have just as much of a chance as I do to make it back and into God's presence again.

Wow, when I started writing this, I did not even think or expect to be bearing my testimony at all, I was just going to write a catch-up "this is what's happening in my life" post.  But as I was writing, that's what was coming to mind, so that's what I wrote. :-D  I hope it comes across the way it is in my head, or close at least!

It's also about to get cold here, which I am not looking forward to at all! I am not made for cold weather, give me 70 degree winters any time please! But at least I have a wonderful mother and sister who got me my winter clothes sent out and I can be warmer when it does drop, which is supposedly tomorrow! Yikes! I'm not ready!!!!

But enough of my lamenting! I really am doing fantastic and I am grateful to have two jobs, and I got to see AnnaLea while I was training this past week for Orriant cuz it was in the same area so I stayed with her while I was down there and Clint came up and we had lunch yesterday and that was fantastic! I love him and I'm so glad he hunted me down!  I haven't told a lot of people I've moved Utah because of the shame, but he heard from Jennifer so he texted me and I'm so glad he's so good at staying friends, because I'm not always the best and it's always easier when both people are trying! :-)